a poem for you!

If you haven’t been receiving Keep Writing, here is the entire exquisite corpse style poem created through postcards and the mail, with a title I provided, 3-10 lines each from Brian Mattarochia, Anis Mojgani and Jenn Marie Nunes, with linking lines provided by subscribers. Each of these writers sent me lines in their handwriting, which I made into a printing plate and letterpress printed. It was started in September with the third installment sent in May. Across those months, I decided to move, changed my address and, like all of you, was ordered to stay home for the health and safety of others. So this surrealist party game has become an adventure.

WE CREATE NOTHING ALONE

I took your picture

with me in my pocket

when i went to the underworld

when I wandered into the woods

in my dreams

and never came back

never emerged from the other side

never came back

never came back out

there was a tiny perfect spider consuming me

and it was you.

You and the rest of your siblings

were gathering somewhere

and I was walking with the tiniest of blueberries

the sun overhead bright as a new tooth

I was missing something in me

not sure if it was what was always had once been in the hole

or if it was now the hole itself

but there was a song

and it was using my body to make itself move to make itself loud

and that which was tiny

was now immense

exhibit A

the system cracking out its

own ribs or

a cat flat on the tarmac

an eruption of flies

and when you name me

the small skin of which

contained me

lets you in.

I’m not going to lie—typing this out is the first time I’ve read it all together, and I am crying. Thank you all for participating. Always for being a part of things.

PS Anis and Jenn both have books of poetry that I can’t recommend enough.

ask a kid

In October, I travelled to the west coast to visit friends. This was way before I decided I would move there. Anyway, it had been awhile and it was good to see so many friends among so many tall trees.

As we are getting older, more of my friends have kids. And more of their kids are no longer babies. I know Pat and Grace from the Bay Area. We met before Aggie was born. I was glad for a few days at their new place in Tacoma with Aggie and Harry, even getting to experience Trunk or Treating with them, showing up in my cameo roll as the weird Aunt at the event at Harry’s school.

At Oly Zine Fest, artnoose told me about her 7 year old. and our host, Kelsey, talked about her kid who is grown now.

As my trip was cut short for work, I chose an old friend in Portland over new letterpress friends (I’ll be back!) because his kid is now 8 and I had not yet met him.

Arlo was 7 3/4 when we met and within an hour we talked about crystals, rocks and what we carry in our pockets. We went to OMSI and he showed me the fish and the lizards too.

I realized that aside from teaching, I don’t spend much time talking with kids. I’ve never wanted kids and though I like teaching, I wasn’t sure I was any good at talking with them. Then what I realized is that you just have to listen. It’s a lot. Kids say a million things in a minute, making connections I can’t keep up with. That’s what’s fun.

I know I have a lot of friends who don’t like kids and I get it. Groups of kids are hard for some people but groups of adults can be hard too. Kids have a range of personalities and I realized that the quiet, focused ones are easy to talk to, well , as easy as anyone else. So I wanted to make a postcard for the kids.

I called Arlo’s dad, Adam, for advice about wording the question I wanted to ask. He checked with Arlo, who said it was a good question. And then Arlo made his own Keep Writing to ask me a question. He mimicked my form, telling a story and then asking a question about the story. It is my favorite fan mail yet.

Adam and Arlo keep chameleons at their place in Portland. If you want to hear about it, you can check out the Chameleon Breeder’s podcast where they talk about kids taking care of chameleons.

from Arlo’s Keep Writing to me

Exquisite!

So you just got the new keep writing in the mail and you’re all, what’s this? Poetry? I did not sign up for poetry.

But then you read it because, why not, it’s there, and the handwriting looks comfortable, like a friend wrote it, and you’re like, ok ok, this isn’t bad.

And then it hits you.

Hi.

I asked my long time friend and writer Brian Mattarochia to participate in an extra experimental Keep Writing. He agreed to write the first 3-10 lines of a poem based on a title I gave him.* Brian and I used to attend weekly poetry readings together in Seattle in the late 90’s. He brought me to my first and only “Lowell Celebrates Kerouac” festival in 1994 where we saw Allen Ginsberg and then participated in a discussion that became part of a documentary called “The Source”**

NOW WHAT you ask? It’s your turn. Tell me the next line of the poem. Mail it to me by December 15. I will choose one and send it to the next writer. I’m not going to tell you who that is. You’ll see. She’s great. Trust me. Her book is on my nightstand now.

And then…we will repeat the process. Until 4 writers plus you plus my title will create a poem, exquisite corpse style, building on one small part of what was already created.

Sound like fun? I thought so. I hope it works.

This is Keep Writing number 127 sent at the end of November 2019, as I prepare to fly to NH for my first Thanksgiving in my home state since…I dunno, since my high school friends would still pick me up at my mom’s house after dinner?

* I told him to interpret the title as he liked—its something I’ve been thinking about lately, about collaboration—WE CREATE NOTHING ALONE—I did not give him any other direction except that I asked he write it in his own handwriting.

**You can find it on YouTube but I’ve included a still of 17 year old Hope for you.

collaborate

I attended St. Louis Small Press Expo in August and made so many good connections that were overshadowed by the numerous swim spots and then sudden decision to buy a camping trailer and become a little more mobile.

I traded a bunch of postcards with Sloppy Queer Press—many of which I sent to friends immediately, but one of them I pinned next to my bed in my makeshift bed/truck bed.

photo from @sloppyqueerpress

HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR WORK TO FEEL?

The question I’ve been asking without the right words. It was what had been in my head all summer, working with kids at summer camp, napping on the studio floor, driving to the expo.

What is most important to me?

What do I need to feel fulfilled?

How does my work relate to the world around me?

And I realized that collaboration and connection is key.

When I reached out to Sloppy Queer Press to ask if I could borrow their inspiration, Zoe Kraus added:

In way of further context, I did write these cards, along with some former colleagues of mine, for a workshop at the Civil Liberties and Public Policy conference last year on building internally-just movements for social justice. The workshop we presented was called Living Our Values: Envisioning New Leadership and Organizing Models in the Sexual & Repro Health, Rights, and Justice Movement. In other words, making sure our work feels to the participants as liberatory as it aims to be for others. And it was deeply influenced by the work of Adrienne Maree Brown, among others, and I will be giving the remainder of those cards away on my instagram as soon as I complete the print run of a quote of Brown's.

Here is Keep Writing number 126, sent in October 2019.

The second in a series of collage turned letterpress postcard. Thanks for working with me. More collaborations ahead.

sleeping troubles

When I was 17 or 18 I had penpals I met through zines. I wrote to people who puts ads in zines, to people who created zines. I am not sure how I met Molly Kalkstein but I have a spring themed mixtape from her from the mid 90’s. I loved her zines, her aesthetic but also the careful observant voice.

We’ve only met twice—once for a few hours when she was an undergrad at Swarthmore. And then about 12 years ago I biked from Burlington to Montreal to stay with her. I got very sick on the way and she was kind. I felt ok by the time I left but I was not a great houseguest, tired and dizzy the first few days. Still, she made us delicious food, took me on a bike adventure, and brought me to a handmade paper mill. I remember she had turned her entry way into a camera obscura. When I got home, two weeks later, still sick and now also suddenly dumped, she sent me a small book made with papers we had bought in Montreal. She suggested maybe we collaborate in someway, introspective women living in french cities.

Finally this spring it happened. I asked her if she wanted to design something for a postcard and she generously agreed. She offered a few Albrecht Durer drawings, I chose one and she wrote the question. It is a good one. I rarely have trouble sleeping ( I might be perpetually over-tired) .

And here it is, Keep Writing number 121, sent in May 2019. Printed in colors chosen to match the desert flower stamps I bought in honor of Molly’s current residence—Tucson, Arizona. Hopefully it isn’t our only collaboration.

shared type

I started as a letterpress printer in a basement shop full of type. I might’ve taken for granted the amount of type I had access to. I worked in other shops, was part of a collective with a beautiful type collection but rarely had any of my own. Most of what I print is a monthly postcard. It originated in type but now I mostly use polymet plates, a hardened, recyclable plastic. It isn’t ideal but it is cost-effective.

When Paper Machine was opening, a lot of people who thought letterpress printing had left the city came by to share stories of their dads and granddad’s print shops. Which is how the Gosserand Superior Printers wood type ended up here. Used for years in the production of posters for local jazz shows, this black owned printshop has been out of business for years, but their woodtype was donated to Paper Machine.

Monica Tyran is a New Orleans artist who write a grant to get the type cleaned and sorted so the modern day letterpress printers of the city could use it. And so we did! When I asked her to collaborate with me, we discussed a few ideas but this one was the obvious winner! We choose a few cuts from 3 different drawers. I inked them up in black and printed them on a little sign press here. I scanned the prints and sent them to Monica who designed the card pretty much as you see it. I ordered polymer plates and she came to the shop a few days before I left for summer vacation to see me print them on my windmill.

Mailed the 3rd week of August since the month before was a little late, from the last stop on my swimfest road trip, here is Keep Writing number 124, asking you to tell me about a collection you have.

february is for lovers and ex-lovers

So I’m single. Six months so and I finally almost have told my co-workers. But in February I made a postcard about it. The drawing above is my original ink drawing of my portrait photo for an imaginary analog dating site. Since I drew it I have become marginally more comfortable trying out internet dating, though I am pretty happy living a single life full of friends. And I finally feel like I can give a little energy back. I am working on a zine about dating bur for now here is a list of things you can watch that maybe will bring you a little comfort. they are pretty white -hetero-centric. (I did watch the L word for 2 days while sick and though I appreciate its place in television history, I think I watched too much all at once)

break up movies

how to get over a break up—this netflix original based in Peru ( the original title translates “my life after you”) is great for its scenes of indulgence but what I really love is that there is not a happy ending with a new partner. that was the last thing I wanted to see for awhile.

that said, I like to watch love, actually at least once every holiday season. it is over the top. the story line about the sexy american girls is dumb. but if you are feeling a little stuffed up, it will make you feel things, and yes you will cry alone in the light of the christmas tree with the cat on your lap and who cares. plus emma thompson confronting her maybe cheating husband alan rickman, is pretty great.

lovesick—another international netflix show, this one based in glasgow. four friends retrace their relationships, near marriages, one night stands and finally addressing what they might really fear most. I appreciate the variety of relationships—limited to a hetero spectrum—but with the variety of break ups, there is probably something you can relate to.

inside out—this pixar movie about feelings is a good reminder that 1) all feelings have merit and 2)broccoli on pizza is gross.

the marvelous mrs. maisel—an amazon show about finding independence in the 1950’s—her routines are smart and funny and though the whole show comes from a place of privilege, it is worth watching.

the bisexual—hulu’s original show about a woman ending a 10 year relationship because she realizes she is bisexual does a lot to address the layers of confusion and nuance in her identity. I’ve talked a lot about this with other queer friends who date across the gender spectrum, about feeling invisible to the straight and gay world, about feeling the need to prove your identity, to not want to take up too much space but also to be seen. plus saskia chana is hilarious.

ok that’s all I have for now!

BE HERE NOW with Caroline Paquita

For August's Keep Writing postcard, artist and illustrator Carline Paquita wants to ask you a few questions about how you use your cellphone.  Founder of Pegacorn Press, her feminist queer publications deal with the trends of society and forces opposing the expected flow.  She sent me the illustrations for this card and I designed it, including choosing to print a pink and purple split fountain on slick stardream paper, making for a glittery card that was tricky to print. 

Here are my answers to her questions about ways I limit screen time.

• My phone lives at my desk.  At night, and as much as I can during the day, including when I leave to teach a class.
• FB is for business only. I never installed the app, I removed messenger and my private profile is not public and I have no friends. I make batch posts once every 2 weeks for events for my business.
• IG is mostly business.   This is where I struggle.  I am starting to post and check only once a day because even with no personal profile and a limited number of people I follow I still mindlessly scroll sometimes.
• Timers for everything. This is a trick that works for me for staying focused when I do computer work but I have started doing it in the studio too. I set a 30 minute timer, stretch after every 30, and work on one project for those 30 minutes. Sometimes it is simple like "I will clean up my desk for the next 30 minutes."  Sometimes it is just a timer to not check my phone and work on whatever I am drawing for 3o minutes. Usually I leave myself 5 minutes every hour for email and IG but even that seems like too much. Sometimes I set a shorter timer if I need to finish up something. 
• Limited notifications & do not disturb . My screen only shows that I have a text and from who.
• My phone is a mini-computer. After numerous incidents and unrepairable devices, I have started treating my phone like the tiny computer it is. I do not carry it in my pocket. I have a phone that is slim and easy to hold (bigger ones are too easy to drop). I try not to walk and look at the screen ever.  I leave it inside or at home when I am with friends, unless I am riding home alone at night. 

I tried going back to a flip phone last summer. I originally had a version of the pink flip phone that Caroline mentions.  My died the day I moved to Oakland. I've been through a few phones since then. I tried going back to the flip phone, the one I had was so slow I stopped answering messages. And since I still used my phone for work, I had an internet only device. It was more time consuming than just having a reliable smartphone. 

That's where I am at. I am trying out this once-a-day IG check. I'll let you know how it goes. You can post IG from your computer with a few tricks, so maybe I'll try that. 

Im also working on driving less. My studio is over a bridge and a little far or me to bike every day but I know how much better I feel so I will try. I'm always making small changes to work towards a better healthier me. Slowly. Slowly. 

Want to get a card with a question for you an answer every month? Subscribe to the Keep Writing Project.

Want to see all the responses I receive to Caroline's questions? Check out this.