If you know me you know that I don’t care about fad or pop culture. And when I do, it is years behind everyone else. I recently texted a friend that I heard a Taylor Swift song and kind of get their obsession. I like pop music because I am not a great dancer (despite Thea P’s reassurance in 2005) and I think the insistent beat and no-fuck-aroundness / I-don’t-cariblity of pop release something for me that gets my arms and feet moving in a big way that feels good. I am very slow to the trends and I don’t want to talk about them with most people because it is embarrassing to be out of touch and embarrassing to care at all about teen rom-coms and strong women superstars.

But when I became a step-parent, my partner gave me some advice about his kid: become interested in his interests.

Luckily, my and the kid already have some common interests: walking in the forest, swimming, walking at night, card games based on cats, clever puns, pizza, teal, and drawing. But the first time I agreed to play pokemon, I was at a loss. I missed the first pokemon outbreak. I don’t play strategy card games. And though the kid has many charms, at 7, he was not great at explaining the rules of the game. So I downloaded the online card game (its free and never has in-app sales) and started playing. I figured out the rules, figured out ways to play against him so the match was somewhat even. I play on my own and build decks. I’m not great. We have real decks to play so we aren’t always online. He likes cute small pokemon. I like cards where the illustration is a crocheted or clay depiction. I find things to appreciate. And when his friends come over, I am the cool step-mom who knows the evolution of Chewtle and can talk a little about a fairy/psychic deck I built, if asked. I don’t have hundreds of pokemon’s names and attacks in my brain, but I like a good strategy and like being able to understand a sliver of what is happening in my step-kids brain.

At Christmas, my partner found these nano-block pokemon. I liked lego as a kid, but don’t have much interest now. But something about these—they are tiny which makes them , well, cute. They are just hard enough that it feels like a challenge to my post-concussion brain, but I don’t feel overloaded. (actually building them reminds me of specific exercises in the cognitive tests I took—something I struggled with, matching a diagram to actual blocks. ) Turns out they are a little too fussy for my kid but I bought a few more for myself. Someone tried to tell me about nanoblack months ago, and I didn’t understand. But these small, hyper-focused projects that take me 30 min to an hour and result in a little pokemon, well, I will soon have a tiny army. Or I think in pokemon world it is called a gym. I don’t really know.

bonus: when I first met him, my future step-kid said I looked like a pokemon trainer, which I think is a complement , though I wasn’t sure what he meant. Now that I know some of the female trainers are hyper-sexualized, and still teens, that comment is more confusing, but the general aethetic of pokemon trainers are kind of a vaguely punk, colorful but simple clothes, with bright hair….ok I get it.