How Can I Help?
I feel like my job as a teacher is to encourage, support, shows ways to organize, make space for experimentation. Or maybe just what I think I am good at. So when my partner told me he wanted to run the Boston Marathon as part of the Dana-Farber Marathon Challenge, I knew what I could do to help.
There is this idea around support that if someone is struggling, with grief or anxiety or chronic illness, that offering specific help is easier to accept than a general “let me know if you need anything.” As someone who turns down help but who often needs it, I think about this a lot and have been trying to implement this as a habit. I think it is a great practice in boundaries and support. I can offer what I can actually do for someone, maybe something specific to their needs. They can accept or not. It gives a person who is under mental, emotional or physical strain the opportunity for aid without having to determine their needs. It takes the pressure off of them to respond or reply. Someone who is grieving may not feel hungry but may accept an offer of food, realizing they need to eat. I love it also because I can’t do all the things I used to, but I can offer what is within my capacity.
When Adam was accepted onto the team, he knew that his training would get a bit harder. And he knew he needed to start fundraising and telling people what he is doing. He is realizing a dream of running in the oldest continuous marathon in the world and he is raising money for cancer research in honor of his sister,and mother, patients at Dana Farber. I know nothing about running beyond the alleged “runner’s high” and that I have never experienced that. I don’t care for running. I can’t help with advice about running shoes or what to eat or when to run up hills or when to take a day off. He has a trainer for that. But I can write. And I’m handy with a spreadsheet and a calendar.
So I’m helping with his social media. He is doing fine without me so maybe he is humoring me by letting me help but here I am. Because I can. And because he is working full time while training. Which means some mornings he gets up at 4, runs for an hour, then gets ready for a 12 hour shift. On his "off days,” he runs long distances and parents his 10 year old. I don’t know how you are supposed to train for something when you are tired. I know that sometimes he wakes at 4 am and says he won’t run today, that there is ice on the streets and he didn’t sleep well. And often, he runs anyway. We are all so tired. There is always something. Always another thing we have to take care of, something we want to do. I’m all for paring down responsibilities and obligations to more of what matters. I’m all for rest and breaks because everything is so much. And I’m also all for supporting the people we love in the ways that we can. Somewhere between burnout and giving up, we go on.
oh yeah, if you want to donate you can go right to Adam’s fundraising page and help him reach his goal.
